...in my defense...

if anyone has read my sister's blog of jan 10 2008, i need to add my two cents, because i think that she still doesn't understand my reaction to her pregnancy. i don't completely understand why she would talk about that in a blog, but i haven't gone through it and i don't understand what it does to a person. if it helps her to talk about it, then more power to her.

i love my sister. and it is true, we don't see eye to eye on everything. our personalities are very different and tend to clash...alot. also, as she said, things are getting better. but i really do love my sister.

i remember the day that she told us that she was pregnant like it was yesterday. everyone who didn't know already thought that we were moving again. my family tends to movie quite a bit. it happened just as she said it did. she said it through sobs and she got the reactions from all of us like she said she did. i really did say that. and i am not ashamed of saying it either. my sister made a mistake. and she will admit that it was a mistake. she said that i was on a pedestal. i probably was, but how can you help someone you love improve if you are not better yourself. that sounds kind of selfcentered. i hope that made sense. an example of what i am trying to say is how can a drug addict help another drug addict from quitting. it doesn't work.

my intention in saying what i said was to help her understand that in order for her to become better and overcome this mistake the right way, she needed to feel everything and feel it to the fullest. she needed to be dragged through the mud, i guess, not by me or anyone else, but by herself. she needed to feel that guilt that prompts us to change. i guess i didn't get across that i was supportive of her and love her.

i don't understand how she felt or what she was going through. and i am learning that girls, especially when they are pregnant think with their emotions and not very logically, so alot of her choices have not made sense to me. i have been and will always be there for my sister though. sometimes, however, (and this pregnancy was not one of them) we have to go through some problems on our own in order to grow like heavenly father wants us to grow. so kati, if i don't help sometimes, it isn't because i don't love you or care about you, it is because i do love you and want to see you grow like i know you can. ;)